On the mend … Leoni Horton in HMV holding the Pop Culture EP by Knocked Loose. Photograph: Courtesy of Leoni Horton View image in fullscreen On the mend … Leoni Horton in HMV holding the Pop Culture EP by Knocked Loose. Photograph: Courtesy of Leoni Horton A moment that changed me Relationships A moment that changed me: I was devastated by a breakup – and saved by a sweaty moshpit When my relationship broke down, my usual playlist of pop girl anthems and love songs left me in tears. Then I discovered hardcore punk
Prefer the Guardian on Google Nobody warned me that heartbreak would ruin my relationship with Beyoncé . I had always associated music with the happiest times in my life: going to Glastonbury, seeing Madonna play at Madison Square Garden, singing along to Kylie Minogue’s greatest hits on a road trip across Australia. Just over a year ago, after my first real relationship ended unexpectedly, things changed.
When I listened to the artists I loved most, I was ambushed by memories and reminded of all the love and intimacy I had lost. My usual playlists, filled with indie bops and pop girl anthems, became unbearable. I’d never noticed before, but almost every song was about love, yearning, romance and sex. Every time I pressed play, I found myself sobbing in the shower or ugly-crying in public.
Tired of burning through tissues, I decided to go no contact with music. In fact, I was determined to avoid the topic of love at all costs. You would be surprised how much that limits what you can do, because, to paraphrase Hugh Grant in Love Actually, love is – unfortunately – all around. I swapped my playlists for journalism podcasts, true-crime audiobooks and soothing ambient noise, but nothing seemed to fill the space that the lack of music had left in my life.
“What’s the genre furthest away from my usual taste?” I wondered, scrolling through Spotify, a few months post-breakup. I clicked recklessly, ending up in a hardcore punk playlist. Not knowing where to begin, I pressed play on the first band on the list.
It worked. Loud, heavy music came screaming out of my speakers, so frantic and raw that I could barely make out what the songs were about. I was delighted when I realised I could listen to bands such as Malevolence and Every Time I Die without crying so much that I had to press cold spoons over my swollen eyes afterwards.
Knocked Loose , a hardcore punk band from Kentucky, became a fast favourite. A week after discovering them, I found out they had a special midnight show coming up in Manchester. It felt serendipitous that they were arriving in town when I needed them most, so I booked a ticket.
“I’m going to die,” I thought a few weeks later, chewing my lip with worry as the Albert Hall in Manchester exploded with activity. It was 2am when Knocked Loose finally took the stage. I pressed myself against the wall while the crowd turned into a huge, pulsing crush of bodies. People were throwing their limbs about violently, slamming into one another at full force and clambering on top of each other to get on stage, only to immediately throw themselves back into the crowd.
View image in fullscreen ‘I was spellbound by the music’ …Knocked Loose performing in Manchester. Photograph: Courtesy of Leoni Horton I hadn’t seen anything like it before. I was spellbound by the music, but terrified of ending up in A&E. Yet, when the lead singer, Bryan Garris, called out for more movement, I felt unable to resist. I walked forward and let…