‘These days – even for non-celebrities – weddings are often big, flashy affairs, perhaps in exotic destinations, sometimes over several days.’ Photograph: wundervisuals/Getty Images View image in fullscreen ‘These days – even for non-celebrities – weddings are often big, flashy affairs, perhaps in exotic destinations, sometimes over several days.’ Photograph: wundervisuals/Getty Images Opinion Weddings What makes a good wedding these days? I say flirting and chaos, but not three days in a French castle Rachel Connolly Modern weddings seem to have become all about the spectacle – although, if you do take the opulent route, I still want to come
Am I allowed to start a column about weddings by saying I don’t know exactly what I think about weddings and marriage in general? Well let’s see.
One thing I do know: I really like attending weddings. I love to go as a valued guest, to see close friends in love and watch dads I have known for many years gruffly and fearfully breach the dancefloor. But I also love to go as a totally minor guest (the better for people-watching) and collect anecdotes about who, from the various overlapping families, hates who. People will just tell you these things, especially if your presence is quite random. I like to see the freshly single sporting their revenge dresses and haircuts and physiques. I like to witness and partake in the abundance of flirting. I don’t think I’ve ever had a bad time at a wedding.
I asked friends their views on weddings while writing this. One of them said: “In general, I feel like weddings bring out behaviour we could use more of. For example flirting, dancing, and making plans, getting dressed up etc.” I agree completely. In fact, I have always dreaded getting the call to write about weddings precisely because I don’t want to compromise my cherished status as a frequent guest. But the truth is, I do feel some ambivalence about the contemporary execution, and I do consider my generation’s approach to weddings, and even marriage, a little odd.
I started thinking about this after former rugby player Danny Cipriani and his fiancee, the actor Annalynne McCord, launched a “tacky and distasteful” (as one source had it ) crowdfunding page asking guests to help pay for their wedding. The total amount they are asking for is £10,660. It seems fair to say that their combined earnings considerably outstrip those of your average newlyweds.
And yet, unexpectedly, I find myself feeling sorry for them. I feel wary of the spectacle that weddings have become. I don’t think it was always like this. Talk to older people and you’ll hear stories of a family dinner and then a dance in the local pub. These days – even for non-celebrities – they are often big, flashy affairs, perhaps in exotic destinations, sometimes over several days. I hear so much about arguments when people don’t get invited, even though we all know space is usually limited. I wonder why people feel it has to be like this. I wonder, too, if the opulence makes the whole thing even more emotionally charged.
Admittedly my own views on weddings and marriage, as these things might apply to me, make no sense at all. On the one hand, I’m an Irish Catholic who has been in a heterosexual relationship for a while. On the other hand, the institution of marriage feels odd to me. I wouldn’t argue my own lifestyle is radical, but I am sometimes surprised that big white weddings are still such a widespread norm.
I never imagined my own wedding as a…