There’s a great line in the fourth (and, as of now, most recent) episode of The Shards. Bret (Igby Rigney) is walking through the party his friends have decided — against his numerous, if somewhat tepid, protestations — to throw in honor of mysterious newcomer Robert Mallory (Homer Gere) and as he takes a cigarette from a crystal goblet he muses on the nature of high school parties and the particular phase of their coming-of-age in which they find themselves. “Senior year was when they started throwing parties like rich adults,” Bret narrates over Blondie’s Heart of Glass. “We spent our parents money on the best champagne, the purest coke, and top shelf liquor. We put out their Lalique glass bowls and filled them with our cigarettes. These were the gilded weapons we used to fend off the stifling world of childhood. We were all just doing impressions of the kind of people we wanted to be, until it stopped being an impression.”
Naturally, their louche adult playacting requires costumes to match, which perhaps explains why none of the main cast on this show ever actually dress like teenagers. At least, not when they are together. There is always an element of performance, of cosplay, whether it is Susan (Kaia Gerber) in a party dress that looks like it was plucked from her 40-something mother’s closet — “You’re going to be the first woman president,” Debbie (Hayes Warner) tells her — or Bret with his little sweaters tucked into his perfectly fitted jeans like he is a model in an ad for a brand his father might favor on days off. Not that Bret’s father is ever home for Bret to see him. And it’s hard to imagine he’d look as good as Bret does in those jeans anyway. Bret and his friends might be playacting at adulthood with their Tom Collinses and copious smoking, but they look damn good doing it. Even if they do still have some growing to do.
Anyway, on to the lewks! Fair warning, though. There are some spoilers ahead. Small ones, but still.
Episode 3 starts with Bret and co. in their various takes on their school’s uniform: white shirt, grey skirt or pants, and navy jacket, blazer, or cardigan. They look good, though if any of the boys was going to wear a fitted cardigan, I don’t think it would be Thom (Graham Campbell).
Maybe Thom was only wearing said cardigan so Susan could drape it over her shoulders in the next scene.
The thing Susan admires most about Rhonda (Ivy Wolk) is that she doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her. At least as far as Susna can tell. Rhonda does care, of course, but in an outfit like this, it’s easy to see why Susan imagines she doesn’t.
Rhonda’s second rollerskating look also features fringed sleeves, this time on a jacket. Aside from her shool uniform, does Rhonda own any sort of cover up that isn’t fringed? I hope not.
Here’s Chacha (Bella Valdes) in the look that helped score her nearly seven minutes of solo air time on the dance show Debbie is obsessed with. I’m sure this is a reference of some sort, but it feels truly insane to me. Then again, so does the outfit on the girl to her right. Did she steal that beige silk jumpsuit from her mom? And what’s with all the red lipstick?
Debbie — in those painted-on Gloria Vanderbilt jeans — is mesmerized, though.
Here’s Debbie’s dad (Wes Bentley) in his best “sleazy Hollywood executive out to seduce his dau…