Illustration: Igor Bastidas View image in fullscreen Illustration: Igor Bastidas You be the judge Life and style Should my husband stop letting our kids climb over our neighbour’s fence to get their ball back? Penelope worries this will teach her children it’s OK to trespass; Spencer sees no harm in them hopping over. No sitting on the fence – you decide who’s in the wrong
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Interviews by Georgina Lawton Thu 18 Jun 2026 08.00 CEST Last modified on Thu 18 Jun 2026 09.12 CEST Share Prefer the Guardian on Google The prosecution: Penelope double quotation mark It doesn’t matter that it only takes five seconds. It’s a flagrant disregard for property rights
My husband, Spencer, and I have two children, Georgia, 12, and Alex, nine. We are usually quite aligned on how we parent, but I recently learned that Spencer is a little more relaxed with our children’s garden activities.
During half-term, Spencer was at home and I was at work. When I got back and asked the kids how their day was, they told me their ball went over the fence and into the neighbour’s garden. I assumed our neighbours hadn’t been in and the ball was still there, but they said “Dad let us hop over the fence to get it.” I was shocked.
When I spoke to Spencer, he just shrugged and said it was fine. These neighbours are a middle-aged couple with no kids. He said getting the ball only took five seconds, and then Alex and Georgia hopped back over. I asked them how many times they’ve done this and they said “four or five”.
This is a flagrant disregard for boundaries and property rights. If we allow our kids to hop over fences into spaces that don’t belong to them, we are encouraging public and private disobedience. It also reflects badly on us if the neighbours happen to be in one day. So far, it’s been OK, as they’ve been at work.
Spencer should be the disciplinarian, but when I’m not there he’s more relaxed I said to Alex and Georgia that they need to be more careful with their football and tennis balls. We have a large garden and there’s no need for their balls to be going over the fence. It is really Spencer’s fault, though. He should be the disciplinarian.
We have a good relationship with our neighbours, but we haven’t asked their permission to retrieve these balls so if they suddenly see my kids playing in their garden, they would have every right to have a go at us.
I’m annoyed at Spencer for encouraging this. I am the stricter parent, but I thought we had similar styles overall. He thinks it’s funny how annoyed I am over this, but it’s the thought that Alex and Georgia have done this many times without me knowing. Spencer needs to see that he is in the wrong and be stricter when I’m not by his side.
double quotation mark No harm was done to their garden. It’s just a lawn with a few shrubs. I don’t see the problem
The way Penelope goes on, you’d think I was letting the kids roam around the garden naked and screaming. They hopped over our fence to get their ball – it’s happened a few times. It was either let them go and get it, or listen to them complaining because the neighbours weren’t there to pass it over.
I manage my own business from home, so during half-term I had to juggle work and looking after the kids, which I’m happy to do, but some peace and quiet is conducive to a good working day.
She is worried about going to war with our neighbours, but she’s being a bit dramatic The first time Alex’s footb…