‘I understand the lure of victimhood, the attraction of blaming external forces for your own suffering. But it’s not real,’ writes Mitch Brown Photograph: Eugene Hyland/The Guardian Opinion Men Angry and lonely after my marriage ended, I came dangerously close to embracing the manosphere Mitch Brown After my separation my world became tiny and my dependence on the online world grew. The internet told me women were to blame, and I started to believe it
I n 2024, after the breakdown of my marriage, I came dangerously close to falling down the manosphere pipeline. As someone who has become something of a public advocate for healthy masculinities and inclusion, this is not something I find easy to admit or write about. I struggle to reconcile that version of myself, as recent as two years ago, with the man I am today and the values I so strongly believe in. But I also believe it’s important we tell these stories, both to examine how men can find their way into these spaces and how they can find their way out.
The term “manosphere” might seem like a bit of a buzzword, a fringe ideology that exists in dark corners of the internet. We need to recognise that it is far more widespread than that. A 2022 survey by The Man Cave found that a quarter of young Australian men saw Andrew Tate as a role model and 36% found him relatable. Subsequent studies have found the movement is on the rise, both here and overseas.
Read more Louis Theroux’s recent documentary Inside the Manosphere brought the conversation into the mainstream. The documentary explored the online ecosystem of manosphere influencers and content creators – men who create content about a range of topics from dating, health and fitness through to self-improvement and financial success. Much of the film focused on the business model of these creators – once they build a following, they monetise their content by selling courses or memberships to their followers.
In my case, I was not tempted to buy a course or sign up to a coaching program. My understanding of the manosphere – or the thing that links all its various forms and subcultures – is the underlying belief that feminism is to blame for men’s suffering.
How did I get there? I have described myself as a feminist for most of my life. I have also been a professional people-pleaser; I was someone who felt they had always played by the rules, put others first, and worn what I now understand was a mask to get people to like me. This played out for me in football, in work after football, in my relationships and in my marriage. In retrospect, I realise I had very few opinions or beliefs of my own and where I did I certainly didn’t voice them.
View image in fullscreen ‘Rather than shaming these men, we need to sit alongside them,’ writes Mitch Brown. Photograph: Eugene Hyland/The Guardian The ending of my marriage shattered all of that. There was so much that I got wrong at that time and so much I regret – things I am grateful I have been able to work through and am still working through with my ex-wife. But regardless of what was going on within our relationship, it felt like everyone around me had an opinion. I felt abandoned and judged by the people I thought were my friends and community. I felt like a loser and a failure. I start…