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Add The New York Post on Google The new ‘it guy’ is not mysterious. He’s not leaving you on read for 14 hours to “seem busy.” And he certainly isn’t pretending he forgot your date was tonight.
The made-up dating term — essentially the opposite of nonchalant — is taking off across today’s dating scene, with women increasingly declaring that they want a man who is openly interested, emotionally available and, dare we say, enthusiastic.
In other words: Forget playing it cool. New Yorkers want men who actually give a damn.
Think Travis Kelce cheering loudly for Taylor Swift at her concerts or Tom Holland gushing over Zendaya at their movie premieres — men who seem perfectly comfortable being publicly obsessed with the women they love.
For New Yorker Jason Henley, 34, being openly obsessed is kind of the point.
Henley has been with his girlfriend, Hannah Alderman, 32, for nearly four years — and has happily abandoned the idea that romance should be kept under wraps.
“I absolutely identify as a ‘chalant’ man,’” Henley told The Post.
Henley said he once felt pressure to play it cool because modern dating can make genuine affection feel “cringe.”
“I’ve felt pressure to play it cool when dating as a man. I think it’s hard not to when everything is labeled ‘cringe’ nowadays ,” he said.
But after nearly four years with Alderman, he has little interest in pretending not to care.
“But I’m also 34 and 4 years into the best relationship of my life so I’ve given way to all that comes with ‘corny’ and romance and the softness of being tender in public and on social media,” he said.
“It feels good to be proud of the person I’m with and to let the world know it from the top of the mountain that my heart is hers to have,” he said.
His Gothamite girlfriend is very much on board.
Alderman said she had dated nonchalant partners in the past and never stopped wanting the kind of passionate romance she grew up watching.
“I find it ironic that as young girls, we grow up watching Disney movies or rom coms where women are quite literally treated as princesses. Then, as we grow up and get older, some of that whimsy starts to fade and we settle for mediocre love along the way,” Alderman told The Post.
These days, she knows exactly what she wants.
“A ‘chalant’ partner looks like someone who gives a damn. He shows up no matter what. He loves me out loud and isn’t afraid to be perceived as corny,” Alderman told The Post.
For her, that openness translates into security.
“It means feeling absolutely secure in the relationship and having a solid foundation of trust. We talk through things, make each other feel celebrated, and can admit when we are wrong,” she said.
Henley believes ‘chalant’ dating also requires being comfortable with vulnerability — not simply showering someone with attention.
“I think being ‘chalant’ comes from being in touch with a more feminine energy in yourself, a side that is softer and more lighthearted, a more whimsical, je ne sais quoi energy that grounds you in your ability to be unafraid of your emotions and your softness,” he said.
For Henley, that is a far cry from the situationship-heavy dating culture he encountered before meeting Alderman.
“I’ve always felt like the modern situationship environment that dating is feels so toned down and lacking in any kind of substance ,” he said.
And the couple isn’t alone in…